


this is me trying

by laaaaa



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: F/F, Post series finale, a little sad, blindspot meets folklore, im a sucker for taylor swift
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:07:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25522588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laaaaa/pseuds/laaaaa
Summary: the one in which patterson listen to Taylor's new album and hear a knock on the doororthe one in which tasha is at patterson door wanting her to know that she is trying
Relationships: Patterson & Tasha Zapata, Patterson/Tasha Zapata
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	this is me trying

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is my first fic and im really nervous about it help. i wrote this while obsessively listening to folklore and i hope it turn out minimally good.  
> english is not my first language but i try

The dusk breeze was cold as the new york's winter was coming the next week. months had passed since the last time she saw the team all together in that dinner at jeller's house. she was missing the team and working with everyone and fighting crime, but mostly she was missing a special someone's hazel eyes. it wasn't a surprise to patterson though, she always knew that her feelings for tasha went way ahead the friendship line, but she kept to herself. she was going to tell her when things come down a little, but well… things never did come down. 

The folklore album had come out some months ago, but in the middle of her new adventure with rich and her effort to not think about tasha she never really had the time (or mind) to really listen to all the words taylor swift had share with the world. so she was pouring herself a glass of wine and sitting comfortably in the couch to be there for the next 63 minutes just absorbing the blonde singer words. just as the first chords of the song flew to her ears she remembered everything she was pushing away the past months. 

Taylor had always been tasha's guilty pleasure, and the blonde remembered sometimes she heard the woman humming the melodies of swift's songs. she never really mocked zapata for that, but she thought it was adorable how red her cheeks would turn when she realized patterson was hearing. then william's mind just traveled to the talk they had when she was leaving the dinner party. the talk in which she completely chicken out and decided it was better if she never talked about her feelings and just let tasha go. the last talk she had with the brunette. 

The first song in the album was coming to an end and she realized how it fit to her history with tasha. the last verses being "but it would've been fun if you would've been the one" were the perfect definition of how she felt about zapata. it would've definitely been fun if she hadn't chicken out in that day, it would've been the most happy she would've felt in a long time. but all of that didn't happen because she had this tremendous amount of fear that tasha didn't feel the same way, that she would ruin their friendship by telling her feelings. so she just decided that it was better to block tasha a little and just focus on her adventure with rich and boston and forget about all of her feelings. but well, they were all back now, with just the first song of the album, and she still have fifteen more to go. 

Not so far away from there tasha was exhausted, her new job as a private investigator was going well, she had been working for big companies as well for personal cases and was really succeeding. the fact that she was working non stop was really comforting for her because then, well, she wouldn't have time for being on social media or thinking about all the things she was pushing away. one of those things being a really marvelous blonde girl with a sweet dimple and some terribles jokes. tasha used to laugh of those all the time. she used to admire that sweet tiny dimple on patterson's cheek and when the blonde one decided to let her hair grow well, tasha used to take a deep breath everytime they hugged just to sense the strawberry fragrance of that long hair. but now all of those are just memories, after the dinner party at kurt and jane's house and seeing that stupid ring on patterson, rich and boston's hands she decided that it was time to let go, it was time for her to finally swallow everything she was feeling in the past 3 years and just live her life. 

The folklore album had come out five months ago, it took her by surprise when she woke up on 24th of july and it had a hole new taylor's album on her spotify. she was working in a big case on that week and decided that it was better to listen to the album in a day where she didn't have any big obligation, so she could really feel everything her favorite singer was singing. and that was what she did. she waited four days until her case was solved and took a day to relax listen to folklore and just, well…. just exist. 

She was glad that she took that decision because just as the first verse of the song reached her tympans her mind traveled back to patterson. she remembered all of their moments together, all of the laughs, the tears, the hugs, the dinners, everything. and then she just lost control of herself, all of those memories just turned to tears, she just felt an excruciating pain in her chest. and for the rest of the long 63 minutes of the album she just stayed there laying on the carpet with tears falling down her face and taylor's voice echoing through all of her apartment. after the fifth song she was back on track again, the pain was minimally lighter and the tears were more controlled. she stayed like this for a while until taylor sing "cause you were never mine to lose", she just gave a painful smile thinking "well taylor….. maybe patterson is my karlie". 

After the album ended some spotify radio started and she just lost track of time, stayed on the ground for countless minutes, just looking at the ceiling but not really looking at it. all she could see was patterson’s hand at the dinner. that ring on her finger, the whispers between the blonde and rich. of course it could all be a massive misunderstanding, but try to explain that to a heart that passed the last years loving that woman with all its strength. try to explain that to the broken tasha laying at the carpet of her apartment in a sunny monday on new york city. 

After that day she refused to listen to some songs on the album, especially the one where’s it said that at least she was trying, because no, she wasn’t trying. she had completely given up of any expectation of having anything with william. and swift was surgically right when she said that it was hard being anywhere these days when all she wanted was the blonde woman. it was really hard walking through new york and reliving all of her memories involving patterson. all of the places they had coffee together, and all of the places they had almost been killed together. but she would never leave new york though, it was her favorite city in the world. the harmonic chaos in the streets reminded her that life happens despite everything. that she would get used to the chaos inside her chest and just heal with time.

And that was what she did until now, she bravely fought against all of the memories, the musics, the feelings, everything that made her remember of her feelings for patterson, and just focused on her job. she thought it was working, she thought that if she kept everything out of her mind her feelings would just go away like they never existed. it didn’t worked. she still have all the memories and all the feelings really vivid in her heart.

The weather was getting colder as winter approached. tasha loved walking feeling the night breeze on her skin, it was the best thing for the brunette to relax her mind, and even though she was exhausted she decided that maybe it would help her to clear her head and breath a little. so she put some warm clothes, her headphones and went for a walk. she wasn’t really in the mood to pick a playlist so she just let that for the destiny and pressed play on her liked songs and turn up the random. she wasn’t sure in which direction she was going, she was just following her feet. 

Patterson was still hearing the album, not so different from the brunette on her thoughts, every verse reminded her of tasha. all she wanted to do was to call her and tell everything she was feeling, everything she had been feeling for a long time. but tasha was succeeding in her PI job, for the past months she was distant, although all her’s and everyone’s attempts to ask her out for a coffee or a bar with the rest of the team. the brunette seemed to never have time for that anymore. so now they were more distant than ever and that hurted so bad.

She was hearing august and decided to pour herself another glass of wine. the song was coming to an end and the chords of the next one, the first verse really spoke to her soul. yes she was having a hard time adjusting. she never thought that someday she would be this distant from tasha, she never imagined that living without zapata would be possible. tasha was always part of her routine, from the first coffee of the day to the last text message she would sent telling that she was safe and sound at home. tasha was always there, and adjusting to living without that had been really hard. and god, how she wanted to be at her door telling her that she was trying to live without her but it wasn’t working. she desperately needed the brunette in her life.

As soon as the song second chorus was starting she heard a knock on the door. she had to run to her bedroom to put a coat to answer the door, patterson hated the cold. this is me trying was still sounding on her loft when she finally reached the door. and when she did she felt a blank. taylor swift must be the god of destiny or something. she had no reaction to the silhouette she saw moving away from her doorstep. and when she finally recovered her feelings she shouted

“tasha???”

**Author's Note:**

> i will add a second chapter as soon as i write it  
> im tashassmiles on twitter if you ever want to freak out about anything


End file.
